When I went to outpatient at the local hospital. Yeah, that was shit. I was traumatized for years… it’s why I refused to even see a therapist for so long. I had dropped out of the program literally the day I turned 18.
The nutritionist was the worst. She would turn everything against me, invalidate everything I was saying… it was bad. To this day I have serious issues with feeling invalidated. If someone cuts me off when I’m talking I completely shut down. I’ve gotten a little better. My brother actually does it to me all the time. The last time it happened, my dad sort of noticed. He stopped my brother about 3 times to give me room to talk. I was really trying not to shut down. After the third time, I did. My dad managed to get what I was going to say out of me though.
I’ve actually regressed since that experience because of my issues with validation. I’m like a little kid in some ways. Like, when they show you something and need it to be acknowledged or accepted… I’m the same way. If I show someone something, I want them to really see it. I need some sort of reaction (any reaction) to know that they’ve seen what I’m showing them.
Another huge part of the program is that they didn’t prepare me for the physical things my body was going to go through. I had no idea about bloating. No idea it was temporary. I relapsed. Bad. They forced me to gain more weight than I was ready for too quickly and with very little (almost no) real psychological support.
Then, even at a restored weight, they didn’t give my body time to adjust and get my period back. Instead of waiting for it to come back naturally, they tried to get me to gain more weight. Once they realized that wasn’t working they still didn’t want to give my body time to get it back on it’s own and wanted to make sure I had it before leaving for college. They made me take medroxyprogesterone to force my body to get my period before naturally ready. Because of that, I now have some serious health complications when I get my period. I get sick, I pass out (like, legit, I hit the floor), and I end up having to call out of work because of it. I’m in extreme pain. Really, I can’t function when I get my period. It gets really bad.
My body has been permanently damaged because no one would listen to anything I had to say. No one cared about my opinion or feelings at all.